an experiment

I feel like there's a difference between gossiping and just talking about someone behind their back. I'm not sure what it is. I think maybe it's intent. Gossip is malicious. It may or may not be true. The intent is to start rumors, to make other people think worse of the subject of the gossip. Talking about someone behind their back can mean anything. Well, not anything. It's talking about a person who is not present. This can be a good thing (e.g. planning a surprise birthday party), but you and I both know that's not what I'm talking about here.

I feel like sometimes it's necessary to talk about somebody behind their back. Sometimes you have strong feelings about a person, and you can't come straight out and tell that person, because you have to work things out first, so you don't say something you don't mean; it is often beneficial and sometimes necessary to bounce ideas off another person before you do that. Of course, that's not what I'm talking about here. Okay Andrea, quit beating around the bush.

I'm talking about venting. Ranting. You know. Oh-my-god-I'm-so-sick-of-so-and-so, that kind of stuff. This is not bouncing ideas, nor is it quite gossip. At least, not in this case: it's all true, and the intent is not for it to go any farther than that set group of people (two or three, myself not included) to whom I'm venting, and I know it won't. So is it wrong?

Sometimes people--okay, let's be honest, I'm talking about one person here--make me very upset, and in this case, it is a person I cannot always reasonably avoid. There is a small group of people who share this predicament. We are stuck in this predicament, probably for the rest of the year at least. Confronting this person about anything, even in the most gentle and constructive manner possible, is at best ineffective, and at worst, it starts a long, smoldering argument. Experience has confirmed this fact repeatedly. So what do we do? Do we sit in silence, waiting, hoping for the issue to go away, remaining stoically unmoved through every outrageous word and action springing forth from this person? I posit that this is an impossibility. It cannot be done, at least not by me, and that's saying something, because I feel that I am generally a very imperturbable person. So we vent. It harms no one, and it keeps us from going insane or finally breaking down and engaging in a screaming match in some public space. I feel that this is perfectly acceptable.

Still, I wonder.

Perhaps I shall make an experiment. I will not talk about anyone not present in a negative manner for one week, starting now. 3:30 AM Sunday morning, Feb. 3, until the same time Feb. 10. We shall see how this goes.