the introvert speaks

If I ever tell you I've decided to go into politics, please, for the love of all things holy and good, shoot me on the spot.

Seriously though, we got to practice our "networking skills" today. There are not words to describe my utter loathing of this practice. I mean, it's one thing to go to some big gathering and go around meeting a bunch of new people, striking up some *hopefully* interesting and memorable conversations, and coming away with a few new contacts with whom you've got something in common and with whom you might want to work on something someday. There are numerous things I'd rather do, but to my understanding, this is ideally what networking should be. In its less refined forms, what you often get is people walking around, being smarmy and kissing up to gain a well-connected contact or a powerful ally. Even this I can understand, repulsive as it seems to my own personality. However, shoving your way through a crowd and yelling to each passing person about his or her preferences in sleepwear does not prepare you for either of these things, and serves no purpose except to give you a headache. Seriously, that was our exercise: go up to as many people as you possibly can in the next five minutes, and find out their names and what they wear to bed. This does nothing, except perhaps teach you how to shout, which is generally a skill one already has from early childhood.

Ridiculous exercises aside though, I find it interesting how much I really don't feel like I fit in with most of the people here. I mean, so many of them are those kids you know in school who are president of Circle K and leader of their Greek organization and all the rest; lots of business and poli-sci majors, lots of kids from big universities, lots of outgoing, type-A personalities.

I'm not a leader. I'm an observer. Sometimes, yes, I am even shy. (Okay, a lot of times.) Many times it's not even that though; I simply see no point in talking to someone unless I genuinely have something to say to that person. Call me lazy, but I long ago stopped expecting to be one of the ones to jump right in and make friends. It didn't happen in summer camp in third grade, and it's not happening now. The difference, of course, is that it really bothered me at summer camp. I was the only one who didn't have any friends, and I was pretty sure the others were all making fun of me behind my back. Now, I know that the fact is, they just don't notice me at all. Some people would be upset by this, but I actually encourage it. It makes life so much easier for me. I don't have to put up with awkward conversation about a topic in which I have no interest just for the sake of talking to someone; I'm instead quite content to stand off to the side and watch everyone else.

Granted, I'm pretty much guaranteed not to make a lot of close friends that way, but let's be real guys, we're only here for ten days. I highly doubt that I'm going to meet my new best friend and become bosom chums before it's time to go home, and after that point, we're not going to be anything more than perhaps Facebook friends anyway. I don't want to go out partying with everybody at night, and it's easy enough to latch on to a group for those "lunch on own arrangements" days, so what do I need a group of "OMG BFFS!" for?

It is interesting to talk to new people, to meet people from different backgrounds and hear what they have to say about various issues and life in general. That doesn't necessarily mean I have to have to be best friends with every one of them. I have no desire to keep in contact with most of the people here after I go home. Honestly, this whole thing so often makes me want to quote a crass t-shirt and say, "Fuck you! I have enough friends." Friendships require constant care and work, and I like to cultivate them fully; I'd really rather have five good friends than a hundred different Facebook friends I've only met once or twice. If I'm going to put the effort into a long-distance, online friendship, I'd much rather it be with somebody I already care about and with whom I have a little more than ten days' history.

Anyway, back to the leadership stuff: I know all the self-help books and motivational speakers and all the rest stress the importance of being a leader, but c'mon kids, we can't all be leaders. Remember the saying about too many cooks in the kitchen? I'm not a blind sheep or anything, but I really have no desire to be a "leader." There are other ways of helping people.

I really would like to change the world, but I have absolutely no desire to go into business or politics. I'd much rather write a life-changing book or something like that. And yes, I realize I will have to go out and interact with people in the "real world" at some point, and yes, even do some lobbying and networking, but I can do that already. I know how. It's not even all that difficult. I just have to have time to recharge after big crowd experiences like that, and it's not something I enjoy in the least, nor does it get easier with practice. On the contrary, the more I have to go out and conduct myself in large groups of people, the more loathsome it becomes, so I'd really like to keep my exposure to a minimum as much as possible.

I'm rambling. I'll stop now.